As I sat watching the Ubuntu upgrade work its way through the packages, at some point the computer became unresonsive to mouse clicks. I ended up having to do a hot shutdown in the middle. As you might imagine, this completely and utterly hosed my Linux partition.
You might wonder why I keep banging my head against the wall of Linux, despite my rantings about it. So did I. As I sat starting at the kernel panic message, however, I realized something:
As much as I complain, part of me enjoys putting up with this stupid operating system, even though it long ago exausted its utility by causing me to spend so much of my time that it was no longer worth any amount of avoided software cost.
As an engineer, I like to tinker and fix things, and Linux gave me the opportunity (or rather, forced me) to delve into the workings of the OS in order to manage it. Linux provided me with the illusion of feeling useful and productive on a regular basis as it required me to put my knowledge to work fixing the never ending litany of problems.
But as I sat looking at a hosed partition, I had the embarassed, hollow feeling that I’d really wasted an extraordinary amount of time focused on my computer as an object of inherent interest, as opposed to an expedient for actual useful work. My linux machine had become a reflexive endevour, largely existing for its own purpose, like a little bonsai garden that I tended to with wearing patience.
And now what do I have for it? I have some profoundly uninteresting knowledge of the particulars of one operating system, and a munged disk that’s about as practically useful as a bonsai tree. (Yes, my actuall work is backed up, but it’s never trivial getting everything exactly the way you had it with a new system install, no matter how much you backed up.)
This was all good, though, because it ripped from my hands something I didn’t have the good sense to throw away. Rather than huddle down with an install CD and try to fix my little Linux partition, I just let it go and started to get back to work, actual work in the outside world, using Windows.*
It feels good. I’m done with operating systems as a hobby, tired of indulging technology for its own sake. One must not get too attached to things.
*I’m not trying to insult OS X, which I think is probably better than Windows. I just don’t have a Mac at work. (I can only fight one holy war at a time.)