Instead of writing things that no one understands, I thought I’d start writing things that are completely made up.

Pseudovirtual Anecdotes

I came across this website that seems to have grown out of a peculiar student movement

Campaign for Students

Since my last post, much has happened - I visited home for a couple of weeks, and am already a couple of weeks into my summer job in Manhattan at Highbridge Capital Management, and more recently, I’ve finally become an iWhore. Not the least of the causes in this long gap has been the periodic failure of my Dell Latitude D620 laptop. Its almost 3 years old now, and my warranty lasts another month. Its by far the most rewarding warranty I’ve ever had on any consumer product. I’ve gotten a new power adapter, 2 new keyboards, 2 new hard drives, a battery, and the latest, a new motherboard. Over the last three weeks, I used the Dell Technical Support Online Chat service exactly 15 times, before I finally got my promised “Next Business Day on-site service”. In the process, I got so pissed off at one of the managers that he shipped me a free battery.

My motherboard gave out 48 hours before I was to leave Pune, India. I wondered if Dell would provide me with service there, after all, they do claim to have worldwide coverage, and myths and rumors about secret Dell call center sweat shops brimming with Indians posing as “Gary” and “Andrew” with terrible accents abound. As it turns out, they could, but it would take too long for the new motherboard to ship to Pune, so they recommended that I just get my laptop fixed once I was back in the states. No biggie.

I returned to Boston for a period of exactly 24 hours before leaving for NY to stay in Brooklyn with Charles in student housing, for the summer, and didn’t really have time to deal with Dell, so I finally contacted them via IM when I got to work (since I sure couldn’t use my laptop). I’m at work for rather long hours, so I couldn’t be at home during 9-5, when Dell offers their “business day” support. I asked them if they could make a special case and give me after hours service (or weekend) — I was even willing to pay a service charge. Apparently this just wasn’t feasible, unless I contacted customer service and upgraded my warranty plan. Fair enough, I decided that I would take a half day at work some day and it would be all good. So it was settled, and the local service technician called me the next day, unfortunately the scheduling didn’t work out (he was already scheduled for jobs later in the day, and I wouldn’t make it back from work in time, etc). So I contacted Dell again to reschedule, after cancelling with the local tech. This time, I just told them to come to my work address, because it would be easier than me trying to rush home early. I hadn’t done this before because I didn’t know how kosher it would be for Dell to show up at work. Ok, fine, absolutely, done deal, they said. I even gave them 2 days this time instead of 1, to get the rescheduling correct.

Two days later, I didn’t got a call from the local tech, saying that he only serviced Brooklyn, and could not come to Manhattan to fix my computer. Well, I said to him, why don’t you just contact whoever is assinged to Manhattan? Not in his authority blah blah, have to contact Dell Technical Support directly, blah blah. Fine. I talked to Dell again, and told them that I had to have the guy come to Manhattan if it was between 9-5, but to Brooklyn if it was after 5. Work address during the day, home address after hours, pretty simple, right? I also reminded them that this was supposed to be next business day service, and it had been a week since I first contacted them from NY. The agent on the chat apologized profusely (as they all do), and said that he would try and set up an express weekend request for me (not usually in my warranty plan). Great! I was impressed when he gave me confirmation that I’d get a call on Saturday, and that he’d made sure to put in the notes that it should be at my home, not work address, over the weekend. Saturday came and went, and I never got a call. On Sunday, I contacted Dell yet again…

Why didn’t I get a call on Saturday? Becaust the agent approved the service request, but when his manager found out it got shot down. In the process no one bothered to tell me that the appointment was cancelled. Instead, a service request was sent for Monday. At this point I yelled at the agent’s manager, and told him that he shouldn’t 1)let agents make fake promises and 2)if his agent promises a customer something, make sure its delivered. He was also very apologetic, and wanted me to have “the best experience with Dell” and offered to send me a free battery replacement. I told him that I didn’t really care, as long as my laptop was _actually_ fixed on Monday. He assured me multiple times that he would “personally keep an eye on my case and make sure it goes through”. Cool. On Monday, I got the complementary battery from Dell, but a call from the Brooklyn technician saying no really, he really couldn’t come to Manhattan, and that I had to make sure that Dell didn’t issue the job to him. *headdesk*

Tuesday, I contacted Dell again and asked them to schedule a service call in Manhattan, the whole Manhattan, and nothing but Manhattan. They apologized again for “all the confusion” and my “ordeal” - but it would take a day to ship the parts, so I wouldn’t be able to meet with the Manhattan technician till Thursday. I told them that they failed at service, because there was a brand new motherboard sitting in Brooklyn (two of them actually, because of the redundantly assigned cases) -which was 20 minutes away. But, I said, if its Thursday, then so be it, as long as I actually get it fixed. “Definitely, no problem, guaranteed…” they reassured me. Wednesday night, I got a call from the local technician confirming that he could come on Thursday. “Absolutely, just make sure you call me when you get to the address” I told him.

You guessed it. Thursday come and Thursday go, he didn’t call me. He did however, get thrown out by building security at my workplace, which is amusing.  Thursday night, I contacted Dell again, told them to issue another request, and also make sure that the technician called me. Fortunately this time everything went through, and I got my laptop fixed on Friday.

I’ve left out a lot of details about the mishaps involved, for example Dell chat not being able to recover from lost sessions, getting randomly assigned and passed around from one call center to another, etc. In the process, I’ve probably gotten to know most of the Dell Tech Support staff in the area, I even joked with one of them about having a Dell Technical Support get together sometime. But finally, I have an operational laptop again, and here you are with a long overdue post

1) Do you hate me?

Ans) If you’re a flaky teammate who cannot comprehend simple things, maybe. But even so, I’m not very likely to go through the effort, so I’ll probably just ignore you.

2) Are you a skinny indian foo?

Ans) Quite possibly, but that would make you a fat american bar in comparison. Besides, some people claim that I might be from a place renowned for chicken wings.

3) Will you go to 7-11 with me?

Ans) None shall be denied.

4) Do you hate me?

Ans) At this point, you should probably ask yourself why you think so.

5) What are you doing this summer?

Ans) I’ll be in New York, selling my soul for a hefty price.

6) What will I do if you’re in New York?

Ans) You will enjoy the presence of exactly 1 less platonic friend.

7) Why are you so passive aggressive?

Ans) I’ll give straight answers to straight questions. If you actually want the truth, all you gotta do is ask.

How was spring break?

Ans) It was relaxing, and filled with sunshine.

9) Do you hate me?

Ans) I might if you ask me again.

10) You never talk to me anymore

Ans) Thats not a question.

11) How do you feel about kitties?

Ans) I like kitties.

12) Where can I learn more about you?

Ans) My sources tell me that this or this is a good place to start. Talking is also known to be a good way to do this.

13) How are you doing?

Ans) I believe the word you’re looking for is “who”. Nevertheless, I’m doing as well as I can.

Life isn’t fair. Suck it up, cupcake. I should probably get around to actually following through with my plans for the frosting, though.

Its quite the piece of furniture. Its got 4 stubby legs and a rectangular top. It was built by Sean Kruzel, of second east fame, Back In The Day(tm). He graciously picked me as the next owner of said table when he decided to move to greener pastures. When I kept it in storage over the summer, it broke a leg, which was a result of split wood. Upon my return, I screwed it back together and placed it back in its rightful place, it really does bring my room together. There it stayed, for almost an year, and one day, a generous man offered to smooth and stain it for me. Always wanting nicer things, I said “why not?”. A short few days later, the Table returned to my room once again, looking classier than ever - its legs sleeker, its top glossier, its aroma intoxicating from the fresh polish. Like its previous owner said, “That Table will get you laid. You just have to play it right.” When my friends came to examine the New and Improved Table, some remarked about how it smelled, some remarked how it was darker, and some about how its underside hadn’t been stained. The Table, I think, was nevertheless okay with itself, and not without reason. It commands a certain respect, with its regal posture. Yet, its underbelly is a reminder of its humble beginnings, the scars of existence still visible on the split leg. It does not boast of the new look, the old surface almost seems to strain at the varnish to ensure that it is not lost under the layers of renewal. And its still the same screws that hold it together.

I have no words. What will these crazy East Campus kids do next?

VINAYAKRANADE.MIT.EDU

Its like watching a hand carefully set every domino in a courtyard. With the flick of a finger, its all set into motion. The first row quickly breaks out into many threads, and your brain hurts as you try not to think about multi-threading. Most of the threads are self contained, although some of them converge to meet paths, sometimes predictably, and sometimes not so much. One thing is for certain. All dominoes must embrace gravity soon. Its all a rush, and there’s no stopping it. You can’t catch all the falling dominoes, even if you wanted to. Realizing this, you scramble to get a bird’s eye view, perhaps the dominoes say something clever. The overall picture looks a little familiar, although you can’t quite put your finger on it. You pick out the same patterns in convergence and divergence. Your keen eye picks out a wayward thread, which seems to weave in and out of many, never quite converging with any single one. All the other threads are nearing the end of the courtyard, yet the one thread prevents you from reading the message that these dominoes have to offer. The thread wanders around the courtyard, and you’re getting impatient. You want to know what the dominoes are trying to say.

You wake up with an irked feeling of incompleteness. You want to know what the dominoes in your dream were saying, but you can’t know. You want to fall back asleep and wait for the wayward thread to finally come to an end, but you can’t. You realize that you have class in -2 minutes. And so the day begins.

Mystery hunt is over, although I must admit that I didn’t get into it this time as much as the last. Mystery hunt is always an interesting time on second east, however, regardless of whether you’re solving puzzles or not. One of the few puzzles this year that I found interesting and enjoyed working on was titled “Monopoles”. It involved nine 9X9 grids made up of monopoles surrounded by dipoles, and one had to figure out all the appropriate charge assignments as the first step. The monopoles were few and far between, but if you figured out the monopoles it helped you figure out the rest of the grid, because every monopole is surrounded by dipoles (which can also be neutral).

Speaking of drawing parallels between puzzles and real life, every time I’ve thought that its nearing the final runaround, I’ve been proven wrong, so maybe I’m wrong this time as well. No one wants mystery hunt to be over, right? Well, except for this mystery hunt, when everyone wanted it to be over. Because mystery hunts always come before certain other mysterious phenomena, and sometimes people want to skip the hunts in favor of the latter. THATS COOL I GUESS. I was one of the people who didn’t skip past the hunt that quickly, because I got so engrossed in some puzzle that it was almost as if I became part of it.

Some stories, unfortunately, cannot be relayed on public media. They must be told in person, for full disclosure as well as full effect. Going home for a couple of weeks was supposed to be remedial in a myriad of ways, some of which worked, others borked.

I did however, watch a whole lot of cricket when I was home, and realized how much I miss watching and playing the sport. Back to my home away from home, I won’t lie, I was expecting a full-pitched delivery, and was hoping to make the most of it with an elegant drive through the covers, the outfield is pretty fast it seems. It would have been too much to ask for a half-volley on my pads, because everyone knows never to bowl one of those to an Indian batsman, especially with the field restrictions in effect. In an unfortunate twist of events, however, what I did get was an inswinging yorker which found its way between bat and pad, knocking my middle stump into oblivion. They’re still looking for one of the bails.

It would be wise to stay on the backfoot for a while, and make sure I pick the googlies early, the spinners will be on soon. Having wickets in hand will help double the score in the last twenty overs. Oh yeah, by the way, Tewnty-20 cricket is a LIE, ODI’s are what have always held the crowd in suspense.