on triathlons
“Triathlons are a narcissist, self-indulgent sport. But at least its healthier than drug addiction, alcoholism, or cheating on your significant other.”
- Steve Lyons, Ironman triathlete
shoutout
I spent 35 minutes on the phone with my sister tonight. I don’t think we’ve had a good conversation in quite a while; we’ve both been occupied and stressed, me with job applications and her with applying to transfer schools. Anywho, our phone call was preceded by a series of emails half an hour before, but somehow we still managed to fill up 35 minutes of conversation.
It always surprises me when I talk to my sister when I haven’t in a while. She’s like me in a lot of ways, but we’re probably more different than we are alike. It always strikes me as funny that two girls with the same parents, growing up in the same town, could turn out so differently. But I like to think of it more as a balancing act; where I drive myself in athletics, she goes for a jog. She loves orgo chem; I don’t want to go anywhere near it. We both like art, we *generally* have the same taste in music, we both use laughter as our sustaining energy. Having someone who shares half of your personality traits is almost like talking to another version of you, but the version that sees you from an outside perspective. Talking to her makes me look at things differently, usually in a less stressed way. And its nice to have someone who shares in your same sense of humor, and can finish your sentence before you do.
Its kind of a weird thing, a sister. Its like this automatic best friend, someone you’re supposed to know ridiculously well, someone you have this strange, loving bond with, but also someone who can sometimes drive you crazy. There’s no way to describe it really. But its nice to be reminded every once in a while that no matter what’s going on in your life, a sister is only a phone call away.
a silver lining
Unfortunately I’ve been banned from lacrosse for the past 3 weeks due to a back injury. We aren’t 100% sure whats wrong, but after practice one day it was extremely painful for me to even walk, with jarring pains in my lower back.
Luckily, things have gotten better. I can now walk and perform all basic movements without pain. However, it still hurts to run. Those of you that know me now that this is pretty much killing me, and everyday I walk home across the bridge wishing I could just go for a short run around the esplanade, thinking that all these people running past me don’t know how lucky they are to be able to run.
While I can’t run, I can swim. Which I’ve kind of taken to be the silver lining of all of this. Yea, I can’t run, but at least now I’m working on the third sport of triathlons that I’m weakest in. So while I’m technically injured for lacrosse season, I’m somewhat training for triathlon season (which I will undertake again as soon as a graduate, and will continue if/when I move to California.)
I used to hate swimming. It always felt so awkward and uncomfortable. But I think the 6 month break I’ve taken from swimming has made me appreciate it more, and I also feel more natural when I’m swimming. I’m sure I’m still probably doing a million things wrong and my technique could use some drastic improvement, but it doesn’t feel as much as if I’m fighting the water anymore. Actually, it feels more like running. I totally forget everything about the day, I forget my stresses, and just let the water flow over me and move steadily through it. It kind of caught me off guard today how much swimming has become my running in the past few weeks. I was in the pool for 20 minutes, and for those 20 minutes, I forgot about everything. I remember every so often when I stop at the wall to look at the clock, but during the actual swimming its as if I’ve run all the way to Harvard and back and am nowhere near the student center that actually sits 100 yards away.
I’m going to try to start playing lacrosse again tomorrow. We’ll see how it goes. If not, there’s always swimming. In the words of Dory: Just keep swimming, just keep swimming…
the frustrations of life
I’ve been caught lately in this terrible cycle of work, work, work work. And work some more.
And my whole plan to stay unstressed this last year at MIT is not working out too well. I knew this semester was going to be tough, but I guess I underestimated my will to stick through it. Its getting harder and harder to find motivation to do every single reading, every single assignment, throw every pass perfectly at practice.
Not having a job offer yet is also looming over my head. While interviews have gone well, and my industry just doesn’t hire until now, it would be nice to know where I’m going to be in 5 months, especially since graduation is only about 3 months away.
There’s so much that is about to change, and yet I feel stuck in the same cycle of work, work work, work some more, more work. I feel like I’m making no forward progress, that I’m just going through the motions, and I’m stuck doing the motions for another 3 months.
And then I get mad at myself, knowing that I’ve lost the calmness with life that I had when I was in Madrid. My daily routine, the lack of change, and the ability to do nothing was part of what I loved about Madrid. But the main thing that made me happy was being able to do what I want, whenever I want. I feel so confined and constricted at MIT now, and although all the things I participate in are self-chosen, and are things that I enjoy doing, the pressure of the environment sometimes detracts from the enjoyment of these activities.
Which is why I told my parents that I wanted to come to the Cape for my birthday. Although its been a very short reprieve from MIT, the Cape always makes me more calm. In a way, it reminds me of Madrid, in that I have no schedule to adhere to, its quiet, its peaceful, and its my place. Very few people know the Cape, or at least very few people know my Cape. Its one of those places I’ve kept private, so that when life gets to be too much, I can come here and not to think about or be reminded of other parts of my life.
I know that I’ll get a job eventually, I know spring break is 7 days away, and I will be exploring Seattle and hanging out with Bpope & hopefully Mager in sunny San Francisco. The week in between now and then will not be easy, but hopefully I can push through the next 6 days. Also, my new guitar should hopefully provide a decent amount of distraction, hopefully just not too much… 
hip hop as/is poetry
“i know a girl with an artist trapped deeply inside her/
she provides for herself she don’t need you to like her/
she dresses like a famous portrait and she talks like an angel with the makeup of dangerous torment/
she dont want to get married she wants to get carried away/
and figure out how to display all the things she wants to say/
she would try to paint but she dont got the patience that it looks like it takes/
plus her thoughts are too colorful to fit inside a picture/
her spirit is the genuine elixir/
her personality is such a fucking brilliant work of art, shes a devil with a sensitive heart/
she doesn’t like the boys that feel like they gotta be cool, and she don’t like the fake hoes at cosmetology school/
but one day she’ll show the world that shes no ordinary damn woman”
-mac lethal