Ceci n’est pas un Blog

It could be just the fact that I’m at MIT, but I am noticing a significant increase in nerds in media. Consider TV shows such as The IT Crowd, The Big Bang Theory, Beauty and the Geek, and Numb3rs. These shows have, to everyone’s surprise, grown widely popular. We all love to laugh at the socially dysfunctional theoretical physicist or the painfully naïve tech guy. Are nerds and geeks the new trend? Perhaps everyone harbors a little nerd inside, creating a soft spot for those awkward characters who just don’t quite fit in.

Taking a step back, however, I would argue that the trend hasn’t necessarily moved towards nerds, geeks, and techies, but towards socially unfit characters in general. Consider TV shows such as The Office and Arrested Development and movies such as Superbad, Napoleon Dynamite, and The 40-year-old-Virgin. It appears that people are just not as interested in those beautiful and popular high school kids. As much as I wish everyone would laugh at my science-based sexual innuendos, I think it’s not that we’re all a little nerdy inside, but that we’re all, in some ways, cultural misfits. No one is as charismatic as they wish they were and there’s nothing better than embracing the relatable characters and having a good laugh over it.

What do you think? Has awkward become the new cool?

I’ve taken on to drinking a glass of wine each night in bed. I like feeling the warmth slip down to my stomach. Normally I would be watching a few episodes of Desperate Housewives, the perfect brainless activity I’ve resorted to all week. But I was slightly offended by the portrayal of an obsequious and naïve Chinese immigrant/servant in a recent episode I saw and decided to make tonight an off-night. Tonight is reserved for a few peaceful hours with my glass of Pinot Noir and a few of Amy Hempel’s short stories.

Until now, I had avoided ordering or buying Pinot Noir after some self-proclaimed wine expert denounced it as the most sought-after wine since Sideways became a hit. Hollywood ruins everything. A few weeks ago, I stood cluelessly in the wine aisle of Trader Joe’s searching for an everyday table wine. I squatted down to better read the small handwritten notes on the types of wines. “Full-bodied, tannic, dark, lingering sweetness of strawberries…” It all sounded the same to me. It was time to turn to Hollywood and follow what’s “in.”

It turns out popular demand isn’t so bad after all. Pinot Noir is sensitive: silky yet heavy, sweet with a hint of bitterness, and very sensual and sexual, exuding aromas of sweaty French men working in the fields. Just kidding. I don’t know jack shit about wine. Fuck all that fancy talk. I enjoyed drinking it and it’s been curing me well of my insomnia.

Goal: accomplished. Good night, my loves.

***Sorry this is such a long entry, but it’s been keeping me up for months, and I would really benefit from hearing what you have to say. Even if you prefer lurking and don’t believe in leaving comments. Or you’d deathly embarrassed if I were to find out you read my blog (trust me, I don’t care. It’s why I put my blog url as my gchat messages). I need some insight onto which direction my life is heading.***

My mom was never too thrilled about my choice to pursue a Ph.D. She has several reasons for suggesting a different life for me, but when she announced her primary reason over the phone, I was caught off guard. “You are a girl. Girls should not tread that path.”

Before I dive into my thoughts on this, I would like make a quick defensive side note about my mother. Sure, she isn’t exactly a feminist. But she is a very strong woman who studied, and excelled at, mathematics as an undergraduate, and moved on to become not only the youngest politician, but also the only female politician in her rank at that time. Yes, I highly respect my mom and have always looked up to her as my inspiration is life. So don’t be dissin’ her!

Yet despite her ambitious history, she remains a little traditional. It’s not that she doesn’t think I’m not smart enough or am incapable of getting a Ph.D because I’m a woman. In fact, now that I’ve set my mind onto it, she is insistent that I go only to the top school and graduate with a strong recommendation from a world-famous advisor under my belt. Instead, I think she envisioned adult Shanying as settling down early to a mostly stress-free job, a happy family, and a comfortable home. The husband should be the one with the Ph.D, working late in lab, and I should be the one who can stay home and focus on the children. She believes in the traditional family hierarchy.

When my mom first brought this up, I was offended. I felt like she was degrading me to a sexist stereotype. I’m an independent woman of the new era! I don’t want to stay at home bearing children and fawning over and making dinner for a successful, rich husband! I argued persistently for graduate school and she finally gave in, letting me do my thing.

In the past few months, however, I have started to doubt what I really want. I’m approaching a major crossroad in my life, and uncertainty is seeping in at an alarm rate. As I watch myself set off little fires left and right in lab and ruining one synthesis after another, I start wondering if research is truly the right choice in my life. I’m so clumsy and uncreative. I am fascinated by the science I learn in classrooms, but I’ve never had too much success in lab. While I can’t for the life of me correctly synthesize these nanoparticles, I can spend all afternoon scrubbing clean the fume hoods. I can’t quite motivate myself yet to get some data off of the new oxygen detector for a paper, but I sure can’t wait to bake some brownies as an incentive for others to attend a lab safety training.

And so I have found that my mother’s vision of my life is slowly merging into my own. Can it be that I’m just not meant for research? Maybe being “a woman” is just better suited for me. Perhaps I should go look for that perfect husband and start a family. I could pick up knitting again, experiment with gardening, learn how to tailor garments, and perfect more recipes. And even better, I could devote my time to raising my child, which is something my heart brims with excitement just thinking about. Yes, I love my future child already. Is this scary?

Essentially, I have come to this rather grave existential crisis now. What sort of a person am I, and what do I want out of life? Do I just want a relaxing office job or do I want to go through six grueling years of graduate school in hopes for that stimulating and challenging research position? And is it normal to, well, be such a goddamn woman?

Please enlighten me with your opinion and/or your experiences and stories. I don’t usually care about comments, but I really am at a sort of crisis now, and could use some advice.

It feels as though everything has come to a halt, even at MIT. People have stopped doing their work and closed down entire offices for the next hour or two. Staff, faculty, and students are running down the hallways to the nearest lecture hall to watch live broadcasts. News stations have been on site reporting since early morning.

What for? The inauguration of our 44^th (and 1^st Black) President of course! Hip hip hooray!

You might be wondering why I’m not watching the highly anticipated (an understatement) inauguration right now, seeing as it is 11:55am. Well, in short, I think this is all a stupid fucking hype.

Don’t get me wrong – I support Obama. I think he is an excellent speaker and I’m sure this speech will fill the hearts of citizens with hope and patriotism. I am glad that optimism has finally graced this country and that people have found something to believe in, even during a time of severe economic depression.

But walking by a lecture hall and seeing it full of people staring at a large projection of hundreds of thousands of swarming people chanting “O-BA-MA O-BA-MA” makes me a little sick. I mean, seriously? Chants? How much different is this from the Chinese people chanting Mao Zhu Xi, Wan Sui! (Long live Chairman Mao) during the cultural revolution? How can Americans shake their heads at the Chinese for being brainwashed during that era without looking at their own history, nay, at their current events?

Before you click that “comment” link and start yelling at me for being an American-hating chink (which is something that I actually welcome), I want to make the disclaimer that I honestly don’t care that much about politics. I keep up with it in the sense that I glimpse at the headlines on the New York Times, flip through channels on the TV to catch a few seconds of CNN, and, every once in a while, watch the first 10 minutes of the Daily Show. I am not a citizen, I don’t vote, and I don’t particularly feel a patriotic attachment to this country. So yes, I don’t have much of a say in all this and I sure as hell can’t defend anything I say. So if you comment, I will probably just say “That makes sense, you’re right.”

Regardless, I do believe that democracy is sort of a joke sometimes, especially when the media plays such a large role in people’s thinking. Yes, hope is wonderful. But it’s all just being fueled by the Bandwagon Effect.

In short, we are all sheep. But we all knew that already.

Enjoy the inauguration.

Readers of this blog (I think this encompasses maybe 2.5 people), please enlighten me by answering the following questions:
1) Do you drink Vitamin Water?
2) Do you enjoy drinking Vitamin Water?
3) Besides enjoying it (if you do), why else do you drink Vitamin Water?

Because yes, I drink this well-known beverage. But I’ve noticed recently that I really don’t enjoy it. It really doesn’t taste that great. As a matter of fact, it tastes like food coloring, sweetener, and a touch of trendiness. I don’t believe having the kiwifruit-strawberry flavor will give me Focus, or that the tropical citrus flavor can give me Energy. Regardless, everyone I know is still consuming those damn bottles of vaguely flavored water like it’s the best thing since sliced toast. Actually, fuck that — sliced toast isn’t even that great. I prefer pretzels.

So…what is your position on this? Do you genuinely believe this is a legitimate product that should cost almost (or maybe more than) $2 a pop? Or do you think it’s a sham, and the stupid public is too focused on following the current trend?