Ceci n’est pas un Blog

Having stuff stuck on your teeth when there is no floss around.

First you stick your finger in your mouth while thinking “I really shouldn’t be putting my chemically exposed finger in my mouth” and try to use your nails to pick it out but of course don’t do jack shit and now there are people looking at you and wondering what you’re doing with your hand crammed in your mouth. Then instead you decide to use your tongue to fish it out and you can sort of feel it but there’s no way it’s budging and now you’re sucking in your cheeks making disturbing noises doing anything you can do dislodge that goddamn string of meat until finally you’re completely fed up with this shit and you convince yourself that you will forget about it.

But you never do.

I need to bring floss to my office.

P.S. In other news, I’ve moved into my new apartment!! It was an incredibly stressful weekend, and I am still scrambling to get things unpacked and looking nice for my parents arrival on Wednesday night. I promise to post pictures to share when things are more in order!

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The squeaking of wet soles on an indoor floor. It is why I hate rain.

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When all of the coins in my wallet add up to exactly the right change for my maple scone.

When someone calls me in a really noisy area and I can’t hear them or myself. Are we seriously supposed to be having a conversation? And “can’t find a quieter place” is not a legitimate excuse. There is always the outdoors.

When people can’t do their freaken job.

You know that person who stands behind the camera in the DMV? Yeah. Not to be condescending…but shit they have an easy job. Their job description requires them to do the following: take a legitimate picture for identification purposes. I’m not asking for a flattering or stunningly artistic portrait of me. Everyone’s driver’s license picture looks ridiculous. But mine may be one of the worst. I don’t even think I can use this as an ID.

I demand a refund.

1) People.

According to an article in Askmen.com (yes, I’m reading askmen.com — they just came out with their Top 99 women of 2009 list!), a Professor at UW-Madison conducted a survey which revealed that 2/3 of Americans think nanotechnology is “morally unacceptable.” The professor thinks that they “hold the view that nanotechnology research is akin to playing God” and equating it with “biotechnology and stem cell research.”

… what the jesus fuck?

2) Being charged $450 for getting a HPV Vaccine. Yes, I realized I had to pay $150 because I didn’t look into what my MIT student insurance covers. But no one ever fucking told me the $150 doesn’t cover for all three HPV shots.

Showers whose water temperature does not rise above “moderately warm.” I like my showers hot.

The sneak preview ads on TV for the newest season of the most offensive and retarded show ever, The Bachelor.

We all know it’s just an excuse for this guy to get laid every night by 25 different girls. All the girls do is lounge around the house half naked saying shit like “oh my god Jason is sooooo hot” and “everytime I even hear Jason’s name my heart flutters.” Seriously? Because Jason’s a pretty common name.

Those protesting against same-sex marriages because they want to protect the sanctity of marriage should be protesting against this show. At least the gays love each other.

Insomnia. I need someone to cuddle with (someone not my mother)

When I star gmail emails instead of just dealing with it right then and there, because I will undoubtedly forget about it and only discover the “Starred” folder months later.

And now I’m left wondering, did I ever call Medical for that last HPV shot?

When toothpaste caps have old toothpaste crusted all over it.

(I’ve been following a blog, dooce.com, that have entries with just a sentence under the title “How to annoy me.” I am copying her)