Board Quotes
From NH4
Here in New House 4, quality conversation is at a premium, so we fill the gaps in between with a whole lot of random inconsequential crap. This page is a small sampling of the inane jewels of wisdom that we come up with on a daily basis.
Not all of the quotes are here. See Talk:Board Quotes for details. If you want the complete list, ask Dan.
Contents |
2008-2009
I'm not waiting until grad school to have a decent cooked meal. -Clifton, on why he will get a girlfriend before grad school I know you're not literally yellow, Fu, but you're metaphorically yellow. -Kahlil Every girl does emotional abuse. They call it "flirting" -Clifton Randy: Hi, I'm Randy. Jeff: I'm Jeff. Steph: I'm Sunny. No wait... You're going to get anti-scurvy. -Clifton It wasn't an "I totally kicked this class's ass" A+; it was an "I have no idea what the hell is going on" A+. -Sunny Joey: How come there are girls at fraternity rush but no guys at sorority rush? (Miranda explains.) Fu: Come on Joey, this is common sense stuff. Stop being so reasonable! -Sunny, to Jeff If you're invisible then you can't be seen, but you can't not be seen. -Clifton I will drool on you! >:O.. -Christine Oh man, that's so easy - it's like killing kids in a candy store! -R. H. Li You should, even if she says "no". -Christine Fan: Dan, you're here! Dan: I'm here. Fan: I know, you're here. Sunny: I'm glad we established that. I want to be in second place. -Steph, on fantasy football Mike: Dan, I have a question for you. Princeton has grad dorms, right? What percentage of grad students live in the dorms? Randy: What percentage of them live in MIT dorms? This shit needs to turn into that shit. How the fuck does that happen? -Fu, on organic chemistry Christine (to Randy): Hey, you're not Joyce! Joyce: No, I'm Joyce. Christine (to Joyce): No, you're Randy. Jeff: What did they do to my shoes? Randy: Didn't you know Joann was a Boy Scout? Jeff: Ohhhh, ok. I didn't really get a bad vibe from USC or the surrounding neighborhood. It had a McDonald's. -Jeff Randy: My brother is totally different from me. Vu: So he's fun & exciting? You're not a guy --- being wimpy isn't so bad.... Don't give me that look, it's true. -Vaz, to Steph Sunny: The one bad thing about Macs is that Microsoft Office is really slow. Mike: Why would you want to use Microsoft Office? Jeff: But Microsoft Office is so good. Dan: For clip art? Jeff: I eat vegetables. Today I had lettuce and tomatoes. Dan: Was it on a sandwich? Jeff: I ate a slice of tomato that wasn't on a sandwich! Joann: You betrayed us! Dan: Think about it this way: if I get ambushed, who is more likely to defend me, you or Randy? Joann: Not us, at this rate! Hey baby, can I see your 5.13 notes? -Fu There is no memorization involved. You have to feel it. Be the molecule. That is how I do organic chemistry. -Randy Vaz: That should be illegal. Someone ought to arrest them. Stephen: Quick! Call the math police! Dial 314! Randy [to his Mom, on his cell-phone]: His room is in my phone [everyone else laughs, Randy stares in confusion] Randy [repeating himself to his Mom]: His room is in ... [laughs in realization] Generally it's a good idea to think. -Mike, in advising Jeff not to execute random commands on his computer Steph: How much are the new ThinkPads? Jeff: I don't like ThinkPads. Steph: That's because you got the shit ass version. Jeff: Is Little the team that exploits Arrays.hashCode? Dan: Yeah. Jeff: So what do you use now? Dan: I still use Arrays.hashCode. It only really matters for one of my messages, and I have a custom hash code for that now. Randy: What if he guesses your custom hash code? Dan: Then I will probably still beat him. Generally it's a good idea to think. -Mike, in advising Jeff not to execute random commands on his computer Steph: How much are the new ThinkPads? Jeff: I don't like ThinkPads. Steph: That's because you got the shit ass version. What? How are they ranked ahead of me? Who are they challenging? -Dan, on Battlecode Your not doing work is equal to my doing work. -Jeff, to Sunny Fan (to Steph): Do you want food? Steph: Yes, what do you have? Fan: Nothing. Some people get by purely on stupidity in this game. -Randy, on Puzzle Pirates poker
2007-2008
I can't pick this up with you in my behind. -Randy For a dead girl, she's still hot. -Vu I'm sorry I'm not a little Asian person. I'm sorry, but I guess that's your problem. -Doug, to Leo Doug: Jeff wants to hold my hand. Jeff: I do. Okay. Thank you. -Randy, after opening his door to find 2586 styrofoam cups in his room (Christine is trying to pull the lid off a container of wipes.) Joe: I think that you're supposed to twist it. Christine: I don't think so. (Christine pulls the lid off.) Joe: It looked like one of those ones that you twist. Christine: I know, that's why I was twisting it. No wait, I wasn't. Christine: Football is a waste of time. Sergio: You're a waste of time. Christine: Your mom's a waste of time. Randy: No she's not. Joey: I don't know how to play Set. Dan: You're trying to find lines in (Z/3Z)^4. Joey: I have no idea what that means. Fan (while waiting for Marle in Chrono Trigger): What is she doing? Randy: You should know about this. See, even Fan gets frustrated by women. Dude, are you sponsored by Gatorade? -Gama, to Randy Fan: Steph doesn't like fruit. Steph: I had fruit today. (Steph points at three grapes on her plate.) Doug: No, that's fruit that you didn't eat. Nikhil (to Steph): That picture of you looks very different. Fan: Yeah, it looks better. Jeff (to Steph): We should just take a picture of you as you are now. Nikhil: Without makeup? Steph: I was NOT wearing makeup!!! Vu: Jeff, did you play Little League? Jeff: No. Vu: You're not white then. Fan: What is that? Randy: It's an inn. Fan: Can I go inside? Randy: Of course. Fan: Holy crap! I get to take TWO women with me into an inn! I like the chubs too. -Vu I would like stuffed animals if all you did with them was throw them at people. I don't like the hugging. -Yin Gama (while playing Taboo): I think this is something that holds up a woman's bust. (Some people make incorrect guesses.) Gama: Is that what this is? (shows the card to Shan) Shan: No. Gama: I didn't get that far in high school. Clifton: Karen is very considerate. Vu: How is being on top considerate? Clifton: You don't gotta do anything. Costco is for country club. -Clifton Fu: I haven't said the f-word in a month. Christine: Did you talk? There definitely is a size difference (points to bicep). -Gama, on the differences between him and Stephen I don't want to get gang-banged. -Clifton Sergio: Paintballs for breakfast? Siamrut: It pops in your mouth and it's full of flavor. Sergio: I use that line all the time. It never works. I was being generous with the porn.... It was a good icebreaker. -Sergio We're here to make fun. -Vu When they say, "Explain the projects you worked on", does that mean I should explain my project or... not? -Steph Vu: You should have written an operating system. Dan: I did. I'm anal about everything. -Sunny Yin: Steph doesn't want to check out guys anymore. Steph: I never said anymore. Oh, I ate dinner already. That's why I'm so full. -Randy I can't be in a relationship with a black chick; she would smack my ass. -Clifton I thought it came out of the toilet. -Sergio, on the sound coming from Vu's trumpet The kids were like, "I want sprinkles." Fuck you! -Derreck Randy: We're going to be all sweaty.... There's going to be a lot of pitching and catching. Jeff: I'm guessing you're going to be catching. Randy: I'm the freaking quarterback! I'm going to be pitching to all of you! Randy (to Gama): Who taught you to count? What school did you go to? Harvard? Doug: BU? Stephen: Tufts? Ariel: Wellesley. When the waiter asked us if we really wanted to sit at a dirty table, I was going to say "I like it that way", but then I realized that's not what he meant. -Randy Vu: The freshmen [won't join frats because they] are as lazy as me. Clifton: How am I lazy? Vu: They're too lazy to do the work that the frats make you do. Clifton: Work??? What work? Vu: All right Clifton, I'm officially taking you under my wing. Clifton: You fuckin' suck at taking people under your wing! Ariel: Hold up 6 fingers. Clifton: I don't even have 6 fingers. Wait, on one hand at least. Her lips are fuckin' blue, like she ate a Smurf. -Vu They watch the Boondocks together. They're all black. -Vu, on House 2 Why would I be a premed? I don't give a fuck about other people. -Clifton There's 90210 suburbs and then there's real life suburbs. Real life suburbs are like, Stacey's mom has got it going on. -Clifton I think I lived in a real life suburb and I don't remember anyone's mom having it going on. -Dan Vu: Stephen you smell good. Clifton: Yeah, I was thinking the same thing. If you don't kill yourself freshman year, when are you going to kill yourself? -Sean Stephen: I love résumés--you can embellish so much. Clifton: Just like college applications. I don't have self-esteem. I just put up a front so I don't get shit on. -Clifton Gay is everything. -Clifton Clifton: You can't get rid of herpes, like you can't get rid of a baby. Sergio: You can get rid of a baby. I can't wear pants more than 2x a week. -Clifton Sean never works unlate. -Clifton My thinking process revolves a lot around sex. -Clifton I'm not a party person. I'm a loser. -Clifton Ariel: I don't like things that are too sweet. Clifton: It's pan''CAKE'', not panbittershit. Clifton: Do your work. Sean: Someone just sent me this song, I want to listen to it. Clifton: So, if someone sent you AIDS, would you want to listen to it? That's the hardest part so far, remembering to go to class on the day the problem sets are due. -Dan, on classes at Princeton Calc is some fuckin' bull shit. -Clifton You should watch gay porn. How do you know you wouldn't like it? -Clifton Sergio: These middle schoolers ruined the movie. They kept talking, and they called my friend a bitch. Clifton: Was he a bitch? Sergio: Yeah... wait, what did you say? Steph, you're gonna make Momo cry. -Jeff, after Steph brought Momo out to watch the Dolphins game Yin: I want the Patriots to lose. Clifton: I don't want them to lose; I just want all of their players to get injured. I've only done a couple of bad things in my life. I can count them all on my fingers... and toes. And only half of them are illegal in the state of California. -Vu If I didn't play so much Pokemon, I might have gotten a few more ASEs. -Clifton Man, if only all women were attracted to walruses. -Yin Mike: They changed the packaging for Jolly Ranchers? That just ruined my childhood. Randy and Doug: You didn't have a childhood. Mike: Good point. Jeff: Is Brandon Marshall their #1 receiver? Randy: Yes. Jeff: Then why doesn't he have any points? Randy: BECAUSE I FUCKING SUCK AT FANTASY FOOTBALL, OKAY? Jeff: Why does Brandon Marshall have 26 yards all of a sudden? Randy: HE'S THEIR FREAKING STUD RECEIVER! SHUT THE FUCK UP! HE SHOULD HAVE 80 YARDS BY NOW! Vu: Steph, are you looking at pictures of Britney Spears again? Steph: Noooo!!! Videos!!! I was too busy checking you out. You're cute today, Phyllis. -Christine Randy: Thanks for organizing today [the house trip]. Kathleen: Yes, I have been cleaning my room. Randy is like a cute man-ish sleeping baby. -Sergio Sergio: You should get a flu shot. Vu: If I die, I die. Sergio: Because I might have the flu. Vu: You better not fuckin' kill me! Dan: I'm going to be Jeff's hobo for Halloween. Kathleen: Oh, I think I remember your hobo costume. Dan: Uh, that was the Wizard of Yendor. Jeff: Steph, what are you going to be for Halloween? Steph: You'll just have to wait and see. Sunny: A skanky ho. (a little while later) Steph: It's not THAT slutty! I had to pee, but it was too cold. -Steph Dan: I'm going to be Jeff's hobo for Halloween. Kathleen: Oh, I think I remember your hobo costume. Dan: Uh, that was the Wizard of Yendor. Does Next House accept credit cards? No wait, I'm not buying anything. -Dan It's not necessarily a linear relationship between ass and points. It's much more likely to be a logarithmic relationship. -Randy Christine: I'm going to be working in the lounge. (Christine leaves.) Randy: Is that an invitation to join her? I'll go to the bathroom. That's the next best thing. Randy: Let's fill some water bottles with hot water so we can keep our hands warm. Clifton: We can start a fire. Don't carry random flowers. You can get anthrax that way.... AIDS? That's ridiculous. I said anthrax. -Clifton Not all women are piceces of meat, just most of them. -Sergio Steph messed up my covers. She's an animal in bed. -Vu Guy on TV: People who say they have a big penis probably don't. The ones that do don't need to say anything. Clifton: Gama must have the smallest penis ever then. Steph: u should use real aim :-) Dan: i don't think it exists anymore for linux Dan: weren't you using gaim today? Steph: howd u kno Steph: is there like an alarm when fellow gaim users unite When the test average is low, everyone does well. -Jeff Yafim, have you ever been out of the country? -Jessie GIMME SOME ASS! GIMME SOME ASS! GIMME SOME ASS! -Stephen I am a democracy. -Johannes The penis is pretty much a point particle. -Clifton Dan: Only eight percent of 22-year-olds are virgins? I have work to do. Jeff: Me too. No one should know what entropy is. It's just like bullshit. -Vu Clifton: Why do you discriminate based on penis size? Randy: I only date people with zero penis size. I guess that makes you eligible. Vu: I think Ariel is parent material. Sean is definitely parent material. Fu: What about Gama? Vu: No, but he's definitely going to have kids. I think Mario clearly proves that automated defense doesn't work. -Fu Steph: I don't understand why he [Randy] is sleeping in my room. Vu: The tables have turned. That's okay; I'll make it up to you on defense and special teams. -Yin, on his (lack of) basketball skills We're like the Chicago Bears, except we win games. -Clifton, on the NH4 basketball team Who studies during finals week? Finals week is for watching TV because you're feeling too lazy to do anything else. -Dan There's a girl on the fifth floor? -Jessie WWYD? Do the opposite. WWYDT? HMWYP? If she ain't complainin', I ain't refrainin'. -Double D Jeff: Does anyone remember where to plant this seed [in Super Mario RPG]? Fu: No. And you know why? Because it's such a shit game! I always thought that I would shave my legs when I got to college.... I've always wanted to shave my legs. -Clifton I'm going to do whatever I want with you tonight. -Leo, to Richard (during a game of Mafia in which Leo was the prostitute) Doh, I put it in the wrong hole. -Randy Richard (while looking at laundryview.com): Why would anyone want to go to Tang Hall to do laundry? Clifton: Because people live there, you dumb fuck! Mixed can be a lot of things. There's mixed race, and then there's mixed gender motherfuckers. -Clifton Richard: We have some attractive people. Sergio: Who? (silence) Sergio: I didn't think so. Greed killed da kat! -Clifton the Great Vu: Would I ever be mean to a girl? Sergio: Yes. Vu: Steph isn't a girl! I can't really read Dan at all. He's like a book. -Johannes I didn't know Oakland was in California. -Steph Kansas City is in Missouri? -Steph [Fu is playing WoW] Sergio: You're not even level 35. You're sad. Fu: I'm level 36. Sergio: Well you're not level 35 then are you? A penis is overrated. -Stephen Sergio: You're fucking stupid. Clifton: You're fucking stupid. How are you going to call me fucking stupid? I go to MIT, man! My body is still developing. I'm just not the size of any man. -Clifton You shoot in skate shoes? Like AC/DC? -Clifton, to Fu Vaz: I think I'm more of a theorist. Clifton: You're just an idiot. Jeff: MIT can't release your grades. It's like, if you say something to a doctor, the doctor can't tell them. Mike: Like you're pregnant? Jeff: Yeah. Mike: Jeff is pregnant. This is supposed to be 8.01, not 8.0150! -Vaz Vaz: Not all recitation instructors get paid. Some of them do it for credit. Clifton: Oh, you mean pedophiles? Christine: My feet probably smell. Sergio: They smell like updog. Christine: Is that a yoga position? Like, up dog, down dog? Why does everyone keep saying my name? -Clifton Sunny would be like, "What the fuck?". Christine would be like, "What the fuck?". Steph would be like "Ohhhh...." -Vu Richard is our house's lone hope of getting some, so let's just assign him a single. -Randy, during the housing meeting Christine: Do you want me to drive? Clifton: No, I'd rather have Randy asleep at the wheel. I can see Jeff and his brothers being desperate. -Randy, on why Jeff and his 2 brothers have all gone to dances with the same girl Dan: If you finish your paper, it might inspire me to do my paper. Christine: If you work on your paper, it might inspire me to work on my paper. Dan: Okay, I'll do that after this game of Starcraft. Christine: Dan, I hate you. Randy: Dan, I love you. God created man and then Man Milk. Woman came later. You can't have woman without Man Milk. -Stephen No snitchin' bitches! -Clifton I figure, everything you need, I have. -Randy, to Ariel You ask Dan, but when I asked you to read it, you said, "are you fucking serious?" -Fu, to Steph
2006-2007
Photo of 4th floor quote board, May 7, 2007
Since I slept with you [RDC], not you [Yin?]... -Randy You're in the "slept with Randy club"! -Randy Miranda: Is the "slept with Randy club" still exclusive? Randy: That depends. Jeff: We should get a house alpaca. Helen: Where would we keep it? Jeff: In the courtyard. Helen: Curtis will kill you! Fu: Not if we kill him first! I can't fall asleep in class. It just doesn't happen. -Dan Shan: This is the condom jar. Someone: It looks like a candy jar. Randy: It could be both! (reaches into an imaginary jar) I wonder what I'm doing tonight! You should think of all of us as your boyfriends. -Johannes, to Yingfei Dan: I have to clean my room because my parents are coming this weekend. Leo: If you had kids and your room was like that, Social Services would take them away. Dan: If I got married, I don't think my wife would let me keep my room like that. The biology building is a good place to pick up girls. -Leo, to Dan Physics is so important for Stephanie. She loves it more than Fiki! Fiki: Man, I feel neglected. Yingfei: Me too, cuz I've been the substitute for Fiki since Sept. 2006. If I don't get credit for all of the things that I do, why can't I get credit for things that I didn't do? -Dan, on the PE requirement Everyone knows that if your program works the first two times, it's correct. -Dan What's up with lazy evaluation? Stupid lazy computer making me do all the work. -Dan, after finding that (a) lazy evaluation would make his program run faster and (b) implementing it would be tedious (Dan is helping Steph with homework) Steph: One day I'm going to help you with something. (later) Dan: Steph, do you know where Fan is? Steph: Dan asked me a question!!! I have your fish. If you want to see it again, bring me donuts. Sincerely, Captain Awesome I can go to physics grad school and hit on biology grad students if I want. -Dan OG Stephen: Is Fu an OG? OG Dan: Sure. I'm an Asian geek from the hood. -Vu I still don't understand what's going on. -Dan Sergio went to a weird high school. In my high school we just tried to staple each other. -Vu Forty thousand dollars, or me? -Vu, on Randy graduating early Yin: Joey, what kind of man are you? Joey: I don't know. Yin: Joey, you are a booty man. Vu: No, Joey is not a booty man. I don't think he knows much about booties. Fu, isn't Christine [Lee] cute? -Christine Nee Fu, isn't Christine [Nee] cute? -Christine Lee I'm so lazy. Talking requires so much effort. -Stephanie Dan: Why don't you like the west coast? Steph: There are too many Asians. Sunny: But there are a lot of Asians here too. Steph: Not the bad kind. Sunny: You mean the kind that beat you up? Steph: No, they're cool. I thought I was rid of Gauss's law forever! -Stephanie Stephanie: Fu is like a big teddy bear. Sunny: A teddy bear that shoots people. Miranda: Yeah, my brother is still single. He still needs a prom date. Yin: I'll go with him! Yin: My dog could eat your dog. Kathleen: But my dog would be cuter than your dog. Yin: But after my dog eats your dog, it will be cuter because it will be the only one left. Stephanie: Do you want some of my food? I'm not hungry any more. Dan: Hmm, it looks all right, sure. (pulls out a spoon) And I even have a spoon! I can't believe I actually learned something today! -Vu Yin: That looks like vomit. Steph: Will you eat it? Yin: Yes. Yushan: Who are you? John: Your boyfriend. Yushan: Why are you here? John: To embarrass you. You should go to Senior Ball with Kathleen. She's cute. I'd go with her. You can go with Nathan. -Danielle Dan: How can I convince physics grad schools that it's a good thing that I did math research this summer? Yin: It should be okay. It's all the same... unless you did something like number theory. Dan: Um... I did do number theory. Yin: Good luck. Do horses eat grass? -Jeff There ain't no Fu boo. -Fu I'm a quote machine! -Vu Steph: Jeff, can you hand me my computer? Randy: Wait, you're going to be in my bed with another computer? Steph: Are you calling yourself a computer? I don't even know who the hell I am any more! -Vu Christine: Anyone want a ring pop? Michael: Psh - NO - We're not, like, 5. Jeff: OOH OOH I WANT!!! Randy: You should call someone with Joey's phone. Yin: OK, I'll call Fu. (Yin makes phone call) Jeff: Hi, Joey? Miranda: You go to school in one of these. Gabriel: Bus. Miranda: Not a girl, but a... Gabriel: Boy. Miranda: Put them together. Gabriel: Boy bus? Dan: If I got you to say Steinbeck, would you have gotten it? Vu: I don't read! Dan: Oh, I forgot. You might think D-G stands for Dan Gulotta, but it really stands for dumbass-genius. -Vu Dan: Is that my prefrosh? Randy: I don't know. This the guy that was upstairs with two girls earlier. Dan: I'm not sure I'd recognize him. I only saw him for five minutes. Sketchy is in. -Yin I'm going to name my kid Daniel Robert Hong and feed him pasta every day. -Vu Vu: Who does Jeff like? Fu: Like... am I supposed to think of a guy or a girl? Jeff: I'm tired. I think I'm going to sleep. Sergio: Stop being a pussy. It's early. Jeff: But I didn't sleep in class at all today. Hating is fun. -Yin I can't wait to meet the girl that is crazy enough for you. -RDC, to Yin RDC: What am I thinking about? Yin: Sex. I condone my own behavior! -Yin The thing about me and girls is, there's just no attraction. -Vu Randy: Unlike you and Yin, I don't have time to check out girls. Steph: What else is there to do? Yin: Let's all stare at Stephanie. Vu: That would make her ego too big. Steph: I don't have an ego! Randy: So which one's winning, the id or the superego? Yin: Id. (Yushan is making car noises.) John: Does anyone want to date a 5-year-old? Randy: Yin does. Joey: You should learn to make muffins. I'm sure it's much more useful than writing code. Jeff: It probably is, but it's probably much more difficult. I want to go to school for midwolfery. -Vu I enjoy stepping on anthills. It makes me feel like a big man. -Yin I wish I could be a girl for one day. -Stephen I wish I could be a guy. It's not fair. -Kathleen I don't drink water. It's so scary! -Randy Jeff: I'm not disciplined enough to keep myself stocked with food and drink. Randy: That's a big part of my life. As house pope, I absolve myself of all sins. -Yin Fu (to Steph): I bet your butt is at least 8 inches. Steph: I know, girls usually have bigger butts than guys. Fu: I mean visually... I know. I have perfect vision. Dan: Why don't you just encrypt it? Sergio: Because I'd have to look up "encryption" in the dictionary first. Vu: If she was hot, she wouldn't be my ex. Miranda: She could have broken up with you. Vu: Not happening. Miranda: I thought guys liked girls with big butts. Yin: Not excessively big. I don't want someone with a rear bumper. Come on, we're slacking, we've got to beat Shan! -Randy, in reference to the "How many people have you dated?" poll (People express doubt that Stephen has only had one girlfriend) Stephen: High school? It was just me and my computer. Miranda: How is that different from now? Joey: I should talk to RDC more so I can learn more about the history of the house. Christine: You're such a typical Chinese person... China has had problems modernizing... Not so much in the 20th century, but in the 19th century... Joey: Thanks, Derreck. I didn't think that Fu and cute things could get along except in the food chain sense. -Kathleen Dan: Should I do this homework assignment, or should I just take a zero? Fu: Do it. Dan: Why should I? Fu: Don't question me! Just do it. I appoint myself chief booty inspector! -Fu Dan: I think this bagel passes the quality assurance test. Yushan: That's a donut. Danielle: You don't need to study. You're on P/D/F. Yushan: But what if I pass? Dan: When I close my eyes, I see KR. Randy: You know, if someone didn't know what you were talking about, they'd probably think KR was initials or code for a girl. But no, it's a PS2 game. Randy: Have you decided what you're doing for the next two weeks? Dan: I don't know if I want to play video games. I don't want to see Chrono Trigger in my sleep. Randy: Dreaming that you're a Chrono Trigger character wouldn't be that bad. Dan: But I wouldn't dream about that. I would just see them fighting. Randy: That's better than seeing bars moving across the screen. Dan: Yeah, but it's still not good. Randy: It would be glorious. Vu: The year is over, Jeff. I didn't fail out. Jeff: How did you manage that? Vu: Stupid people. She loves him, you just can't tell. -Christine, on Fan and Leo RDC: Dan, do you have my wallet? Dan: No. RDC: Does Miranda have it? Dan: No. RDC: Do you know where it is? Dan: No. RDC: Where did you last see it? Dan: Outside. RDC: In whose possession was it? Dan: Not mine. RDC: I'm defriending you on Facebook. Dan: I don't have Facebook. RDC: I'm defriending you in real life. Look you guys, my toothpaste and my sweater match! -Yushan I'm bored. Where are my friends? New House 4! -Johannes The thing I like most about House 4 is... (laughs) I keep forgetting the word "lounge"! -Randy What do you mean, Simon? My momma said I can sing. I don't like you! You don't know what you're talkin' about. -RDC You know what, you Paula Abdul, you beep, you beep beep beep beep beep beep beep, uh huh! -RDC I'm using that word incorrectly, but in my head I know what I mean. -Sharon Sharon: Remember when people used to do this? (does something weird with her jacket) Keith: No, I don't think I've seen that before. Yushan: I guess it was just something that our generation did. I want a woman with child-bearing hips. -Vu I want lots of little Vu's running around. -Vu Danielle: I can't find any pictures of hot boys. Yushan: You must not be ovulating right now. My goal this semester is to get a .5 GPA. -Dan My face hurts. I'm smiling too much. -Steph Saving the world one p-set at a time. -Christine I was riding a cannon ball... It talked different languages. -Johannes I'm the master of socks... in a more metaphorical/epathorical way. -Johannes The people on the east are not as well developed as me. -Johannes Me and my friends are shooting at people who are around us. -Johannes Steph: Ooh, a penny. It's heads. That's good luck. Dan: Would you have picked it up if it was tails? Yin: You should do an experiment! (Steph and Dan spend the next five minutes tossing pennies on the floor.)
2005-2006
I'm an equal opportunity make-fun-of-your-ass. -RDC My name is Joey, and I like to give massages. -Joey My boobs is showing. -Victor Danielle: You think about what you're going to say while I say. Joe: I have no idea what I'm gonna say. Danielle: Okay, that's why you think! Joe: No, I don't think very well. (Jeff is being filmed for the i3 video.) Jeff: ...it's a really great environment. Tian: There's a lot of beavers. Jeff: There's a lot of beavers here. Tian is crazy. (Dan points the camera at Tian.) Yin: Tian is a beaver! Tian: Leave me alone, I'm eating my sandwich. I'm setting this up for you and you just don't feed off of me! You're making me upset! -Danielle You should come here and do your differential equations with Jeff. He'll love it. -Jeremy Sometimes I think about the boys at my little sister's high school. -Tarikh Why are you calling that gay? Did it have sex with a man? -Sheldon Kathleen: I read this essay in rhetoric class and it totally shot down all my reasons for eating meat. Zhu: The chicken would do the same thing to you if it had the chance. Do you think chickens give a fuck about you? Yongyi: You eat a lot. Cokie: That's the worst thing you can say to a girl! Tian: What he meant to say was that you can eat a lot and still look good. Let's try this again. You eat a lot, but... Yongyi (with chips in his mouth): Ymmph mmmph mmmph mmph. Humina-jumina humina-jumina humina-jumina humina-jumina humina-jumina... -RDC, who was excited to see everyone dressed up for Senior Ball. Miranda compared him to "a five-year-old girl". Don't worry, it's not like there's shit coming out of the walls. -Sharon, on living next to the bathroom
2004-2005
You don't live here, do you? -Miranda, to Dan after he got a haircut I was disappointed. I didn't pee in my pants. Not even a drop! -Tiffany, on watching Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle (Some people are discussing the utility curves of ice cream and sex) Miranda: The good thing about ice cream is that I can keep it in the freezer until I'm ready for it. (Some people are talking about how Fred likes to call things "gay" or "flaming") (Fred enters) Fred: Joey, those are flaming pants! ABSOLUTELY NO *Slippers *Spoons *meat *or anything non-festive on the tree!!!!!! -Katie Sorry we insulted your idea. Have a good night! -Leah, to Keith RDC, are you black? -Shelly Andreea: Marek, will you help me move my stuff? Marek: Get Dan to do it. Andreea: Does Dan look like my boyfriend? I'm going to be the world's first retarded doctor. -Fred I knew 7:30-8 meant 8:15 but I came at 7:30 anyway. -Dan, on Mafia Night The human gestation period is, like, 14 months. -Fred The Chinese invented everything, even black people. -Fred If there's a permanent interest for u.b. classes and/or office hours, let me know. -UB I like it when they [illegible] and sway. It turns me on. -Jessica What is this? The lack of street cred in this e-mail is disgusting. Where are the trash talk and veiled insults? And save need the pansy emoticons. I almost threw myself out of the window. -Zhu Happy Kwanzaa RDC! -Nathan I want a woman who can dominate me. -Thatcher
2003-2004
And no Freddy, there are no drinks. -Keith, in reference to a study break I need to come up with a better method of misplacing my calculator so I can find it quicker. -Dan I know my writing assignments aren't going so well when I start making sound effects. -Dan The ladies. -Pete, when asked "What is your favorite thing about New House 4?" Someone: RDC, you should get a girlfriend. RDC: What, am I supposed to just go to the store and get one? Tian: It doesn't matter whether we win or lose. Let's just try to have fun. Pete: That's loser talk!
2002-2003
"Binh...you were playing with me that one night." "Binh is very good at probing butt...Binh arouses a lot." - KS "Everybody wants to screw Binh."- RDC "We have room for one couple on the floor, and one on the bed."- BV in reference to plans next weekend "I'm adamant about the 'we'"- BV, talking to RDC "Genders are just an annoying concept."- BV "Why is BV's head between Tian's legs?!"- RDC "I feel so satisfied..."- KC to BV dripping wet "Oh my gosh, you are, like, semi-hard."- TH to RDC KC to Zhu: "Sheldon, you get upper and I'll get lower." RDC to TH: "Cover both your heads" KC to TH: "No! I'm not going down there." TH: "Go there" KC: "I won't!" "Excuse me, Serena, can I see your pecs?" - RDC "I'm tired..."- Serena Williams "Aannurgh bthlbthlaaah!!!"-RDC KC: "If you're going to dress up, you might as well go all the way!" FW: "Was that your attitude at prom?" KC: "Well, YEAH!" FW on the US Open- "Dude this is harder than Mario Tennis." "120 mph is not that fast." CL to BV: "It's better if you take your clothes off...It's really hard." "He is trying to get me in a funny position."- KC "I was trying to take a picture."- RDC "I was going through my monthly period."- BV "I got "hot sauce" in my pants again!"- RDC "Richard's fanning himself just thinking about Cassie."- BV "It's really hot."- RDC
2001-2002
Smart Man + Smart Woman = Romance Smart Man + Dumb Woman = Pregnancy Dumb Man + Smart Woman = Affair Dumb Man + Dumb Woman = Marriage "Do you want to stretch me, Lisa?"~ RDC (4/6/02) "Get to the WHIPPING!!"~RDC "Freddy! Freddy!" ~ RDC with his pants down "I've been getting all these awful things in the morning- like sex and naked women."~BT JE: "You think you have to find your husband now." LH: "No, not now- I'm just shopping." CX: "What's wrong with that?" "Whoa- It's Kung Fu Porn!"~BV "We just try to touch each other blindfolded."~BV "No black people! Please!"~FW CR: "A voyeur is someone who watches." RDC: "Yeah, I do that all the time." "As of tomorrow morning, I will be known as the porno freak"~RDC "I have a hot ass...which tends to get lucky a lot." ~BV "I get my head scratched a lot."~BV "I do the scratching."~PL "Richard-Duane, no sleeping with Julia anymore."~KS "He was my tomato, then my tomato sauce, and now he's my ketchup."~CM "Which do you choose?- chicken, broccoli, or tomato?" (4/15/02) "PUT YOUR PANTS ON!"~JK to RDC "NOT AGAIN, RICHARD."~CR "You have to pay me not to strip." "Does that make me an anti-whore?"~RDC *RDC puts pants back on* "I can't believe it's in my pants again."~RDC "That's exactly when I started getting sick: the day after I licked the pillow."~RDC "I'm gonna be the lounge bitch."~CR "It's something called the X-chromosome."~RDC "Yeah, you have one too."~AW and BT in unison "Were you even wet, Lisa."~RDC (4/20/02) "Yes"~LH "Lisa, that was my ass."~RDC "Mmmmmmmmmmhhhh."~LH "That guy's hot, Look he doesn't have his shirt on, and he's asian."~RDC "I'm just waiting for Richard-Duane."~LH "I'm not gonna open my mouth again...mmmmhrmph....oh!"~RDC "Mmmmmmph"~LH "Thank You"~BV "Finish this off Nicely"~BV "Stick it in your face"~RDC "Bihn"- RDC "Please No" "Oh My God!" "So much." "Ohhhh." "On top." "Mmmhmph." "Push on it" "So hot!" ~RDC (BV to PL over the phone) "Okay"~KS "Lick it" "Bihn"~RDC "My Mom is really Open"~RDC (4/22/02) "You just bit me!" JE to RDC "What did you do? Miss the apple?" LH to RDC "If I were a guy..." ~BV "I was above "on top of" your head Freddy (4/22/02) Have you ever done a whole anything? RDC to LH You touched me Cassie RDC You touched me first- Cassie I am the biggest pervert imaginable.- RDC "I have 48 hours on Crack St." ~PL "OMG, I need drugs"~LH "You just bit me Julia"~JE to RDC "What did you do? Missed the apple?"~LH to RDC "If I were a guy...."~BV "Don't bite me, mother #$*&er, or I'll bite you back! I'm gonna get you a chew toy."~CR to RDC (4/24/02) "I tried to sing under water, but it didn't work!"~CR "Mmm...Hehheehee."~LH in RDC's lap "Phallic symbol depicting sexual frustration & angst while illustrating the physical impossibility of penetration... S&M"~JK to CR critique of BV's artwork with his "skewer" "I'm not going to have your ass!"~CR to JY "It really made an impact on me... that's what good sex is"~JK "There are definitely a lot of more than decent looking girls at MIT w/ a lot of personality"~RDC (4/26/02) "What did you say, Richard-Duane? You're trying to have an erection?" ~Boo to RDC after he jiggled in front of FW "That's my guy! He's so much like Jack [from Will & Grace]!"~RDC "I'll buy an inflatable... Lisa, Boo, Julia,..." [not out of context]~FW "Sooooo Strong"~CR to FW
1996-1997
Lounge Rules
1. Make fun of New Jersey
Hey, we like to make fun of any suburb of New York City.
2. Make fun of Canada
If you don't know where Canada is, just think of someplace cold.
Map to Canada
3. Dan Weber never holds the remote.
This rule does not apply during Star Trek.
4. Saul must not arrive unannounced.
This has the unfortunate side effect of making Saul avoid entering the lounge, thus cutting down on the lounge culture a bit.
5. When Lucia speaks, pretend to listen (if you know what's good for your eardrums.)
A mysterious person erased this rule from our chalkboard after a few days.
6. --removed temporarily--
7. Only Angel may punch holes in the wall.
However, if Mike Allen's head is on the other side of the wall, Peter is welcome to try.
8. Quantum Leap at 12.
Yeah, so what?
9. If you don't like what's on TV you can always leave.
Lately it seems like the people doing the most complaining are those who don't even live in the house. That's gratitude for ya.
10. If you fall asleep in the lounge be prepared to face the consequences.
This rule was nominated by someone who frequently falls asleep in the lounge. Playing with fire, no?