Everybody Loves Nerds

Link to story  (85/21589)

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…my friend’s labor have been canceled out by the warm fuzziness of playing with her adorable 10-day-old little boy. So small!(86/21408)

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… that change of heart coincided with my discovery of $2 buckets and wholesale discount flower outlets. (93/17490)

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I’ve been having too many of these post wedding plans conversations lately.  To save some time, here’s in my post wedding plans FAQ.

Q:  So where are you going to be?
A:  Jeff is going to do a postdoc in Columbus, and I’m going to finish my PhD before joining him.

Q:  So how long is Jeff’s postdoc?
A:  2-3 years

Q:  And how many more years do you have?
A:  Leave me alone!

Q:  Yikes, a little touchy, aren’t you?
A:  Sorry.  My official answer is between 2-10 more years.

Q:  So you’re going to be long distance for at least two years???
A:  Yup.

Q:  That’s a long time!!!
A:  Yup.

Q: I mean, that’s like longer than 6 months, or even 1 year!
A:  Yup.

Q:  Can’t  Jeff just get an astrophysics postdoc at MIT or Harvard or something?
A:  Can’t YOU just get an astrophysics postdoc at MIT or Harvard or something?

Q:  Why don’t you quit your PhD program and follow him out there then?
A:  See, I was going to, but Jeff wanted me to finish my PhD, and as his wife, I should submit to him and do what he says.

Q:  Really?
A:  Well, not quite.  The truth is, I still can’t quite give up my dream of earning a doctorate in a field that’s completely useless to industry in order to land jobs as an adjunct professor teaching intro psychology at 3 different third tier universities simultaneously for minimum wage and no benefits.

Q:  So you think you’ll miss Jeff?
A: Yeah.  But we’re going to try to see each other every weekend and every other week in between.  I don’t really see him during the week anyways now, so hopefully it won’t be too bad.

Q:  But once you’re married, you might not want to be apart.
A:  Why not?

Q:  Well, you know…. *wink* *nudge*
A:*blank stare*

Q:  Eh… never mind
A:  Oooh I get it.  I don’t think it will be a problem.  Jeff was *homeschooled*.

Q:  Ahem.. Okay, anyways.  Thanks for answering all these questions.  As a parting thought, how have these conversations been going so far?
A:  Well, for the most part, people have been surprised but supportive.  It does bother me when some people, usually those from other walks of life who haven’t heard or asked much about our situation, cluck their tongues and announce “That’s a horrible idea, WE certainly would never do that.”
I really do wish people would take time to get a better picture of the whole situation.  We’re  not some cutthroat ambitious couple, putting our marriage second to chase some slightly more prestigious or lucrative job opportunity.  We’re both in fields, Jeff especially, where jobs are incredibly competitive and geographically constrained, and the possibility of reentry after taking some years off is basically zero.  Without going into details, the choice basically boiled down to this:  Jeff quits astrophysics, I quit neuroscience, or we spent a few years apart. We spent many months talking and praying about this and figuring this out, and while we’ve decided that this is the wisest choice for now, we’re still not THRILLED about our situation.  It just pours salt on the wound when people, albeit perhaps well meaning, rush in with disapproving advice without really first trying to understand what’s going on.

Q:  Whoa, was that actually a non-sarcastic answer?
A:  You know what else is a non-sarcastic answer?  Your MOM.

Q:  Um, that doesn’t even make sense.
A:  I know.  Sorry.

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… you break up.

Negaversary:  Time before you get married.

Reciproversary:  Uh..same as inversaversary?

Logaversary:  I have no idea.
E-to-the-ersary:  Eh.. forget it. (99/17490)

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