Songs without Words

MIT tends to host a decent amount of talks that I’d like to go to, but they almost always conflict with orchestra or other evening activities. Nevertheless, I’m determined to try to go to as many as I can. For instance, David Macaulay is coming tomorrow, Tom Brokaw on Wednesday, and at some point soon, Neil Gaiman will be giving a talk. I regret already missing Jhumpa Lahiri’s lecture some weeks ago.

David Macaulay was one of my heroes growing up.  I was absolutely fascinated by “The Way Things Work,” which illustrated the operation of devices, factories, and really anything with a mechanical part in it. I later read his quasi-narrative about the building of a cathedral. He always manages to keep artistic wit without losing the functional aspect of his illustrations. Oftentimes, an artistic spin on an object ignores its modes of operations – gadgets become decorations and ornaments; or the inverse – a lifeless schematic of squares and circles. Macaulay managed to somehow bridge the two together, and I think I’m willing to be a little late to orchestra to hear what he has to say.

There is no better way to celebrate being done with it all than to transform the stressful ordeal into irreverent humor and introspective reflections – and for me, that means whipping up a few comics.  I’m not going to pretend like I can keep up any sort of regular update schedule (believe me, I’ve tried before!), so instead, I’m just going to draw a bunch of them out of order, upload them in some sensible order, and be done with it.  In total, I hope to produce one to two dozen four-panel strips in my usual lousy pencil style.
There are certainly pre-med comics in existence.  The one that I’m aware of is an offshoot of “Below the Mean” called “Pass/No Pass,” and I think that it’s certainly worth a read and quite a few chuckles.  My comic won’t repeat any ideas from there (alas, he has already claimed the “urge to say something inappropriate during the interview” gag).

So far, I have sketches for 7 strips, but I’ll hopefully have time to draw them formally when I get home.  I’m unfortunately currently occupied with my UROP and trying to pick out places to do a lab rotation over the summer, so I can only sketch and sketch.

I know people can be curious about this sort of thing, but I have a hard time talking about it, sometimes. So here you go – this is my status of application for all my schools. Peruse to your heart’s content.

Baylor CM – Interviewed 1/3-1/4. Accepted to MD program on 1/29. Invited for MD/PhD candidate review, 2/28-3/2 (second stage interview). Accepted to MD/PhD program on 3/8.
Boston University – Rejected (not granted interview)
Columbia – Interviewed on 2/8. Waitlisted on 3/8.
Duke – Interviewed on 2/1.
Harvard – Interviewed on 1/29 (HST & MD/PhD). Interviewed on 3/4 (NP). Accepted to MD/PhD program on 3/18. Accepted to NP and HST on 3/21.
Johns Hopkins – Interviewed on 1/16-1/17. Rejected from MD and MD/PhD programs in February.
Tufts – Interview offered but declined.
University of California, San Francisco - Interviewed on 2/11-12. Waitlisted.
University of North Carolina – Interviewed on 2/4. Accepted to MD program on 2/18.
University of Pennsylvania – Interviewed on 1/8
Washington – Interviewed on 1/14 (MD) and 2/14-15 (MD/PhD). Rejected by MD/PhD program on 2/21.
Weill Cornell – Interviewed on 11/16. Waitlisted.
Yale – Interviewed on 1/28.

Secondaries received: 13/13

Interviews granted: 12/13

Acceptances (3): Baylor (MD and MD/PhD), UNC-CH (MD), Harvard (NP, HST, MD/PhD)
Waitlisteds (3): Cornell, UCSF, Columbia

Rejecteds (3): Washington Univ (MD/PhD), BU, JHU

Declined (1): Tufts

Not yet heard (3): Yale, Duke, UPenn

… is to find the equivalent resistance starting from any vertex to the node directly across from it.

…

Just kidding ^___^.

My girlfriend made this beautiful polyhedron for me and I’m going to hang it up soon. Isn’t it really beautiful? The graceful mathematical form, pulled down into a cloak of pragmatic engineering … . It is a world unto itself that tumbles and tumbles on its five dozen little resistor knobs …….

For my last Emerson recital (which will be either 4/19 or 4/26), I plan on playing a concerto that I’m composing. For once, I think I’ve arranged things rather ahead of time, so I’ve gotten the go-ahead from Marcus, who’s in charge of the recitals, as well as my teacher, Mr. Chang. I was kinda worried and nervous, presenting the piece to my teacher yesterday, but it went pretty well and he seemed to enjoy the song. I hope to finish the piece soon so that I can have ample rehearsal & revision time with my victim friend who graciously and selflessly agreed to play the piano reduction part.

The concerto is structured in the traditional three-movement form. The first movement is in sonata form, but there are more than two themes. While there is a clear A theme and B theme (in my eyes), there are also numerous motivic ideas that sound like themes as well. The difference is essentially this: the motivic ideas are very short and fragmented (ranging from four to nine notes in length) and recur constantly throughout the exposition, while the “themes” are melodic ideas that take at least half a minute to express and only are stated once.

First Movement: Allegro con anima.

Motive one: tutti opening (B E F# D | Ab Bb F F# | (D) ). This quasi-tonal motif, which is e-centered but has the potential of x-2 modulation, is the opening orchestral gesture, and in the “A” section of the exposition, it recurs in the accompaniment over and over, even while the violin never actually plays it until the development. It is initially very militant in sound, but every time it comes back, it softens in character.
Theme A: the violin enters on this soaring D major melody with a standard romantic harmony in the piano. Despite the numerous chromatic alterations and figurations, I think that this is the most “accessible” theme of the piece.

Motive two: after another orchestra tutti of Theme A and transition material, the violin comes in with this short motive (B C# D CC DD EbEb | Bb). It is accompanied by a fragment of motive one in the orchestra (B – - E – - | F#).

Motive three: continuing in this b minor transitionary section (recall that b minor is a good place to be in a classical exposition – it’s ii, a predominant, of the dominant of A major, which will be the key of the secondary theme). This is probably the most atonal of the ideas in the exposition (B A# D F G D) and has humongous leaps everywhere of up to 2 octaves + a tritone.

The motive degenerates into motive one yet again, and then there is a “searching” part where the violin and orchestra exchange notes expressed in octaves. It culminates in the climax of the transition, when the orchestra blasts out loud chords and the violin is chugging away on rapid sixteenth notes in the upper register. One last statement of motive one, this time in a subdued way.

The meter switches to 6/8, with each sixteenth note being an eighth note from the previous 3/4 meter. After several trance-like repeated pulses, the second theme comes in.

Theme B: this theme doesn’t really have a key, since it’s based on twelve-tone ideas. It is, however, C#-centric, for four bars at least. It is wistful and ambiguous.

Development: I’m currently writing the development, but all of these motives and themes play a role, often contrapuntally. Theme B is developed through inversions, retrograde, etc. as twelve-tone themes should.

Second Movement: Intermezzo

I usually use ternary form for the second movement, but not in this case. The violin begins all alone on motive one from the first movement, subito piano on the last note when the orchestra comes in and plays a dreamy sequence which leads to another statement of motive one, although modified now. The violin then launches a long descent until it reaches a key center of B. The “theme” of the second movement appears, but it’s basically a scale in a really slow 7/4. Everything is spun out of the original idea, and the melody never really pauses or ends – it just keeps going and going, looping around to theme several times. The melody fades and evolves into progressively shorter motifs that peter out in D-C-B sighs.

Third Movement: Allegro Brillante

This is a rondo with an introductory idea stuck on to the front. The structure resembles Saint-Saens’ third violin concerto, I guess, although there’s no material resemblance. The rondo theme is manic dance in 7/8 + 8/8 (15-beat cycle of 3-2-2 3-3-2). The form is ABACABA. The B theme is a G-major tune. I haven’t written the C section yet.

So at a dinner conversation at a med school, I was talking to some people and at some point we ended up on the topic of why I didn’t particularly like drinking heavily.  What I said was that getting drunk was never much of a prerequisite for me to enjoy myself – that I am not very inhibited as a person and at some point at night, I act like I’m drunk anyway.

If being drunk means being spontaneous and uninhibited and relaxed and willing to say or try anything with honest intention, then I’m always drunk.  I told the girl across from me that I hardly needed to drink to be willing to karaoke, not to mention singing right there in the restaurant … on an improvised tune.  She told me promptly to make up a baroque melody, and I did, and I sang it without hesitation.

Alcohol or drug-induced euphoria or transcendentalism is an overarching state-of-being that exists on its own, independent of the specific cause.  For people who have forgotten that, when they were kids, they basically acted high all the time (saying stupid things, shouting inappropriately, breaking rules, etc.), I guess they try to reclaim that lost trait through drugs, since drugs are the more mature excuse for acting dumb than just plain acting dumb.  Kids don’t know any better; adults need to consume substances to excuse themselves for not knowing any better.
A recent study showed that college students who were given fake-out drinks (dry) still acted drunk and silly after they thought they had consumed enough alcohol to be drunk.  That says a lot about societal learned behaviors.  The point is, they acted silly ’cause they thought they had an excuse outside of themselves to be silly.  But they were already silly deep down.

John Coltrane used to have a heroin habit, among other things.  At one point, he gave up drugs altogether, stopped participating in grungy clubs.  And then he created some of the most entrancing, hypontizing music I’ve ever heard.  I listen to his late creations and I am instantly transported, I am instantly liberated and transfixed, my whole body participating in the intoxicating music.

Transcendentalism and neo-childhood can be accessed through substances, but there are plenty of other ways to reach them without damaging brain cells, getting hangovers, or accidentally procreating.  People shouldn’t need an external excuse to experience emotional liberation.

The perfect love is often described, and it seems to encompass a sort of stability and compatibility that could form a bond that could last forever.

But the most ardent of feelings arises not from that stability and regularity but from flashes of fervor that occur unexpectedly or even “against the rules.”  That is what makes for interesting love stories, and also what I think is an essential part of any relationship where the participants need some sort of spontaneity to thrive.

Love can be told to exist, and then it will, but it won’t be the same as its fickle, whimsical sibling, the passion that can pop up from just one little glistening facet or a song or a left message.  Like an elusive aria, you can hear it, sung far in the distance by a child-like spirit, and you want to pursue it and uncover it.  But then it’s gone, too, and you’re not sure what you’re left with but the memory of the chase.

Childhood is the transcendental bliss; a child has wings, a child can love, a child can sing freely.

Adulthood is a muted travesty, clipped wings dripping blood on the floor; attempts at transcendentalism through alcoholism, and wretched shouts of adoration that are only pre-planned attempts at manipulation; and songs that are only for the money.

I can only love a child-like spirit, a natural spirit, a person who hasn’t sold the soul to the devil of adult amorality and greed.

My suite’s bathroom is somewhat cold in the morning because it has a window that, even when shut, leaks a lot of heat.  As an additional piece of background information, I feel warm or cold in middle-range temperatures primarily as a reflection of my inner feelings (at extremes, I just feel the ambient warmth or coldness).

As a result, each morning, I perform the “shower test.”  When I open the shower curtain to grab my towel, still covered in water that evaporates, I will either feel warm or I will shiver.  The morning temperature of the bathroom rarely ever changes, and I take a bath at the same temperature every day.  The only remaining variable, then, is my core emotional constituency.  If I am confident and ready to face the world, or otherwise happy, I will feel a glow of warmth radiate out to my skin to counteract the evaporation.  If I am tired, sad, indecisive, or sick, I will feel very cold and immediately wrap the towel around myself.  This morning, I only felt mildly cold, so I think I may be getting over my illness :).

I never stop thinking (ever), but the mode of thought often varies based on my state of mind.  When I am tired and bordering on falling asleep but still walking, I may enter a state where my normal mode of thought (complete sentences) degenerates into a sequence of words.  These sequences consist of anything in any order and very rarely produce pairings that are appropriate for use in sentences.  However, I do not believe they are random, but rather they are “test connections” being examined.  There is some sort of link between this word recombination sequence and the poetry I write.

basement rigors blasphemy ignoramus bouton leer symphonic absence arrivera benzene benthic orifice buissence caramel portend unanimous establish craft nihilist binter selfless corinthian ale bursac imp zenith zawak unto reality servility immobility regality pretendability sensibility prescience unfazed corroborate rallentando business lake brake prestake wilt jilt pantomime bridge graphic sensuality puffin quintos barracas latency orf elegance brintage zephilasticity lunger Benjamin loofus interdisciplinary variation politic dinner limp car jeans rheocenter libinsplan impressionable bildungsroman boom ampersand loom bristling character ling impersonal labile quartile ambivalent

Sometimes, what appears is not a word but a sequence of sounds …