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User:Jturk - Conner 2


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Jared Turkewitz

Jared Turkewitz



  • Room - 211C
  • Height - 5' 7"
  • Weight - 140 lbs
  • Purity Score - respectable
  • Graduation Year - 2010
  • Major - 8
  • Floor Positions - Minister of Athletics, Shifty
  • Strengths - athleticism, freestyle rap, shifting
  • Weaknesses - facts, green lockers
  • Nicknames - Shifty

Conner 2 Trivia

If this doesn't look like Shifty, nothing does.
The turkewitz is the unit which measures a statement's utter absurdity. For example, a claim that Mario has an infinite damage combo is worth 1 turkewitz.
Video Game Persona 

Shifty's video game persona is Dr. Robotnik from the Sonic the Hedgehog series, because one day he aspires to conquer the Earth by turning all of its animals into a robot army. You would understand if you met him.

Secret Santa Poem 


I will boggle your mind all day
Serenade you in the shower
You double that "U" and I'll so make you pay
My logic will make you cower
I am paid to grade for your class
My evenings spent at the table
Bees aren't interial frames of reference you dumbass!
Control my words? I'm not able.
My reputation to maintain
Is hurt by the words that I say
"Raping a walrus" "I'm Bringing the Pain Train"
It's fine, I don't mind, I'm ok
Lastly, most important to know...
It is crucial for you to score
Use Mario's Infinite Damage Combo
I do, that's why I'm so hardcore



"Where have all the orange lockers gone?"

"Did you know that the top 50 Smash players in the country play Mario because he has an infinite damage combo."

Jared: "There is no word in the English language that has two consecutive u's. If there was, I would know about it, and since I don't know about it, it doesn't exist."
Laura: "Doesn't 'vacuum' have two u's?"

"You fell down! You fell down! Play defense because, he fell down! Way to fall down!" -Super Bowl Outburst

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